Paramounted - From Strength to Strength

Another auspicious day at the resplendent Paramount, which is clearly unrivalled in haute cuisine in Melbourne. Whilst the team detest oriental food, they all love Asian food which is why the venue is such a resounding success.

Given recent absences, this was an unusual lunch as all four protagonists - Peanut, Butter, Jelly and Mayonnaise - all came together as one, masticating furiously.

There was much mirth as by a long, arduous process of elimination, the team discovered that Butter was not in fact wearing a new shirt, tie, socks, briefs, or anything else of interest. He had however taken his pants up, or off, depending on your point of view.

Everyone was famished, and lunch was as welcome as lubricant at Mardi Gras. Peanut was lolling meat about in his mouth, and clearly not for the first time that day. Jelly brought his own concoction, or 'concocktion' given the ingredients, and Mayonnaise had an apple, although the others agreed she did indeed have a lovely pear.

Butter brought some biscuits that he had stolen from his employer, and yet after he turned his back for what was semenly a few seconds, they were all soggy! It was hard to wipe the grin - let alone the white wee wee - from Peanut and Jelly's faces.

After Butter almost lost his job at the last group date, having launched into an extremely audible and simultaneously sexist, racist and homophobic rant unknowingly in front of a senior staff member who happened to be lunching at the Paramount, all were on the lookout for the covert presence of other spies. Sure enough, the team was within earshot of another senior staff member who was clearly there to intimidate them, although his disguise left a lot to be desired.

With pressing engagements ahead, the team left in unison, and agreed to all 'look after' Jelly's wife given that Jelly would be 'en vacance' for a few days. A timetable was hastily drawn up with Butter and Peanut agreeing to visit between 3-5 times a day to mow the lawn, trim the bushes, and for anything that 'popped up'.